Paper Rose
by HiddenWorldsOfWords
Summary: It was this moment that Elena had always feared. The moment that she would eventually have to let him go. She wasn't ready. She doubted she would ever be.


**A/N** : Hey guys! Here's another Oneshot for you, this time I listened to the song "Waves" by Dean Lewis while writing. It's pretty sad again because I can't seem to get myself to write anything happy.. But I'm looking forward to hearing what you think. Constructive criticism is also very much appreciated, but I'm happy about every review I get. The whole story takes place in an alternative Universe, so Damon and Stefan aren't vampires and never have been. Damon and Elena also never dated. I published this story on Wattpad already, but since I love the fan fiction website more, I wanted to post it here too! I hope you like it:)

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 **~Elena~**

I was sitting on one of the chairs in the white hospital hallway, looking at a rose made of paper that Stefan had given me. I turned it in my hands, over and over again. The deep red color had already faded and the paper was weak and torn at the edges.

It barely kept itself together after months of carrying it around with me. It was weird how a fragile paper rose could make me feel so safe, but it did. Especially while sitting in hospital hallways that always smelled like sickness and death and loss. Sometimes I felt like I was trapped in another world - a world without color, without noise, with people hurrying around whose expressions seemed carved in stone. The rose was the only colorful thing that kept me company and occupied my mind. I didn't want to think. Because in the end, my thoughts would wander. Wander to places where I wasn't ready to go yet. Not alone.

With time, the rose lost its color, as I lost hope. I knew I shouldn't and I tried not to. But I wasn't a child anymore, living in an illusion of happy endings. Love is cruel. There was no reason for me to think it would spare me - or anyone else, for that matter.

The only thing that never faded were the words written on it. Black streaks against the pale paper. And even though I knew what they said, I still read them over and over again as if they'd change if I looked away. It was comforting though. That they stayed.

I looked up when I heard the door of the room next to me open and Stefan's brother exiting it with a serious expression covering his features. My heart dropped for the second time today and I swallowed, but I stood and approached him as he closed the door behind himself. With shaking fingers I turned the rose in my hands, trying to ignore the fear that had settled in my stomach.

"How is he?" I managed to get out. Even to my ears my voice was weak and quieter than I had intended.

Damon ran a hand through his hair and hesitated a moment before he shook his head. He looked bad - the worst I had ever seen him. The dark circles under his eyes were in stark contrast with the whiteness of his pale face. And the deep blue of his irises seemed to have faded as well. He looked like a ghost.

I wondered how I looked to him in that moment.

"You should go, talk to him", he said, his voice barely above a whisper. It was hoarse and sounded strained, as if he was just barely holding something back.

I knew that it was bad. Hell, I'd known ever since I found out that Stefan was sick again. He'd known too. I had seen it in his eyes the day he'd told me. He wasn't scared though. There was no point in that.

I, however, couldn't help it. Ever since I found out, I constantly felt fear. No matter how often he tried to convince me _that he was fine, that there was still time, that he was still there,_ I was scared. Scared that our last moments wouldn't be perfect. That I wouldn't get to say goodbye. That there would still be so much left for me to say.

Without saying another word, I nodded and inhaled deeply before making a step towards Damon and laying my arms around him. I felt him stiffen, but eventually give in to my embrace and hide his face in the crook of my neck. I felt his warm breath on my skin when a quiet sob escaped his parted lips and I tightened my arms around him, trying to give him whatever strength I could muster. I knew how hard this was for him. Stefan getting sick again had been hard for both of us. Having a loved person fade away in front of our eyes, unable to do something to help.

I was glad to not be alone in that fight and I could see he was, too. Glad that he had someone who loved his brother as much as he did, who he could share his pain with. Alone, we would both crumble with that weight.

After a moment, he let go of me and made a step back, exhaling shakily to get himself back together. Then he looked at me. Tears sparkled in his eyes.

"Go", he whispered.

I let my gaze linger on him for another few seconds. Wether it was in order to prepare myself to go into that room or to give Damon strength, I didn't know. He stepped aside and I finally approached the white door of Stefan's room, hesitating yet another moment before opening it. In one hand I still held the paper rose.

Stefan was lying in a big hospital bed, beeping machines and monitors standing around him with tubes that pumped fluids and medication into his weak body.

There was no doubt anymore that he was dying.

In the past months he'd lost a lot of weight due to him not being able to keep anything down. The medication made him sick almost every day in the first time. When it showed no effect, however, they stopped it. He'd been able to eat something again, but it was only a small comfort.

He looked even paler than Damon, the bright green of his eyes being the only color in his face.

When he heard the door open, his eyes immediately locked with mine, sending a shiver down my spine.

His eyes were still the same. Untouched by the sickness and the suffering it had brought. Still warm, beautiful, and kind. Still _alive_. And they still looked at me the same way they always did. With such love that it made me dizzy.

There was one thing I had noticed once he'd become sick again. He didn't hold back anymore. Before, he'd always tried to hide what he was feeling. Wether it was to protect me or to protect himself, I didn't know. With his time being limited, he'd stopped doing that.

I had to get used to it at first, to be completely honest. People spend so much time hiding their feelings and playing games that it's weird when someone just tells you how they feel, unafraid of what you might think.

He started telling me how much he loved me whenever he had a chance. He started telling me how beautiful I looked. He already did that before, but I always felt like he was afraid he'd make me uncomfortable in any way, although he never did.

He also laughed more than before, allowing himself to loosen up a little every now and then.

But he also talked about more things than before. Things that he'd never talked to me about before, in fear of scaring or hurting me. Things, that I wasn't yet ready to talk about. I knew I should talk about them, but I couldn't. It would make all of it real. And I didn't think I was strong enough to deal with that.

"Elena", he said quietly. He gestured towards the chair next to the bed that Damon had probably sat in, the smile never leaving his lips. "You can come closer. I don't bite."

Tears rose in my eyes and I tried to blink them away, forcing a smile onto my face and slowly approaching him. I sat down, one hand still holding onto the paper rose, squeezing it hard. My throat was dry when I opened my mouth to say something and the words died before I could get them out.

I almost flinched when Stefan grabbed my hand, closing his around it, and I averted my gaze to look at the white sheets that covered the mattress. I felt him tighten his grip a little, but I didn't look up.

"Elena" His voice finally cut through the silence that had settled between us. I didn't move. "My love, look at me", he said again. "Please."

It took a moment, but I gathered my courage and eventually looked up, suppressing the tears that made their way up.

"That's better", Stefan said, a chuckle accompanying his words. "I'm glad you're here. I was worried you wouldn't make it in time."

This time, I did flinch as hot pain reared through my heart and I saw the startled expression in his eyes at my reaction. "Elena, I..."

"How can you be so calm?" I cut him off, a tear rolling down my cheek. I angrily wiped it away. "How can you smile and joke and be happy while you're fucking dying, Stefan?"

He looked as if he wanted to say something, but he closed his mouth again when I stood up, and watched as more tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn't know why I was even angry at him. He hadn't done anything wrong. I knew that.

"Because I don't get it. How can you still laugh and be nice and look at me as if everything was alright? It's not alright, Stefan! Nothing's fucking alright. And don't pretend that you're completely okay with dying, because I know you're scared."

"Elena", he tried again, his voice calm and controlled and his eyes still filled with that damn acceptance. It sent another wave of anger through me.

"You don't get to 'Elena' me", I spat. "No, Stefan you're a liar. You told me that everything would be alright. You made plans with me to move somewhere after we're done with college. You promised me that you wouldn't leave. And then I get that call from Damon today and he tells me that you won't even make it through the day."

I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head, hot tears continuously finding their way down my cheeks. My breathing was fast and I felt sobs wanting to escape my throat.

Stefan's hand still held mine, but I didn't feel his grip.

"You promised me you wouldn't leave and now you're doing exactly that, Stefan! You're leaving me! You're fucking leaving me all alone here, going somewhere I can't follow you. And I'll have to stay here and live my life without you and do all these things, you wanted to do with me, alone. And I hate you for that." I knew I was lying the second the words were out of my mouth, but I wasn't going to take them back. The anger slowly subsided, leaving an empty feeling in its wake and I felt my knees weaken when that anger-given strength left my body.

Stefan kept his eyes on mine and squeezed my hand. He didn't say anything and just waited for me to calm down. I felt the crumpled paper rose dig into the skin of my closed palm. It was that feeling that brought me back, that grounded me. I remembered the words written on it, another promise that Stefan had given me. The one he hadn't broken.

Just when I thought my knees were about to give up on me, Stefan pushed himself up. I closed my eyes when I saw him wince in pain, but opened them when I heard his voice. He was sitting on the bed now, one hand still holding mine, the other arm spread out.

"Come here", he said. This time, there was deep sadness edged into his words.

I looked at him for a moment, but I knew it was pointless. I had lost that fight, even though I had been the only one fighting.

Another tear rolled out of my eye when I started crumbling and I let myself sink onto the bed and into his embrace. His arms were still the same, as was his smell. He still smelled like wind and his loved mint shampoo and home. And his arms were still strong, as if they were the only thing holding me together.

I put my arms around him as well, pulling him towards me and burying my face in the crook of his neck. I wished I could hide there forever, from the pain that I knew was yet to come. I wished I could. But I couldn't. So after a while I dared to look up at him.

"I'm sorry about what I said", I whispered, my voice hoarse from crying. "I didn't mean it. None of it."

"I know", he said. I felt him place a kiss on my forehead. "I know."

We sat there for a little while, listening to the other ones breathing, the only other sound being the machines around us. Again, there was fear forming a pit in my stomach. Fear that the next breath he took could be his last one. Fear that suddenly the machines would stop their steady beeping.

And it was then that I realized, there would be no perfect last moment. There would still be so much left for me to say. And no matter how I said goodbye, it would not be able to express everything I felt inside.

"Elena", said Stefan. I drew in a sharp breath, but he quickly added "I'm fine, I just I don't think I can stay like this for much longer, I'm sorry."

He smiled apologetically, but I could see the pain in his eyes that he didn't have the strength to hide anymore. I suddenly felt as if the floor had been pulled away from under my feet, but I nodded quickly and helped him lay down. He sighed and ran a hand over his eyes, closing them for a moment. I sat back down next to him and this time I was the one who grabbed for his hand.

"Are you in a lot of pain?", I asked. I tried to let my voice sound stronger than I felt.

Stefan took another moment before he answered, apparently waiting for the wave of pain to pass. Then he shook his head.

"Not more than before." However, he suddenly tightened his grip around my hand and gasped. Fear tightened around my heart and I stood, unsure of what to do. Tears started blurring my vision at my inability to do something, _anything_ , to ease his suffering.

"Should I get someone? Stefan?" I didn't recognize myself.

That wasn't my voice, but the one of a scared child.

"No no, it's fine", he got out, his eyes still closed. "It'll pass. Stay. Please."

I wanted to ask him again, every fiber of my body screamed at me to get help, but I did as I was told and sat back down, offering him only the pressure of our intertwined fingers as comfort. It really did pass, after another agonizing minute of watching him, his breathing labored and slow. I allowed myself an audible sigh of relief when he opened his eyes again, even though the pain attack had drained all color that was left from his face.

His next words sent a chill through my bones.

"Elena, you should go."

"No!" I shook my head, pressing my lips to a tight line. "I'm not leaving you."

"Please", he said, his eyes pleading with so many unspoken words. "I don't have much time left. And when it's time, I don't want you to be here. I don't want you to see it."

I kept shaking my head, tears again leaving my eyes. This time, I didn't wipe them away, but I just tightened my grip around his hand, as if he could keep me from falling. "I'm not leaving you Stefan", I repeated. "I can't. Please don't make me."

He raised a hand to my face, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes for a minute while I tried saving this moment. I wanted to remember his touch when he was gone, wanted to remember his smell and the sound of his voice. His finger brushed over a tear that had slipped out of the corner of my eye.

"Don't cry", he said silently. He smiled. "I'm not leaving you, love. I'll always be with you."

"I can't do this without you, Stefan", I said. I hesitated before continuing "I was so angry at you for leaving. I was so angry. Because what am I going to do without my best friend? Without the person who could always make me smile? What am I going to do without you, Stefan?"

I noticed that tears were sparkling in his eyes, too, but he didn't let them fall. He just waited for me to say whatever I needed.

"Then I realized that it wasn't your fault at all and that made me feel so angry at myself. I love you so much and I've never wanted to hurt you in any way and if I did, then please forgive me. Please don't think that I ever blamed your for anything."

"I know", he nodded, "Oh Elena, I know, I know."

"I just wish we got more time. More time than we had, because it wasn't enough. It will never be enough." I squeezed his hand and smiled. "I'm so lucky to have been blessed to have you be a part of my life. And you don't know how grateful I am for everything you made me feel."

He returned my smile. It wasn't a happy smile though. Neither of our smiles were.

For a short moment, he just looked at me. As if he was trying to take in every detail.

"I love you so much", he said. Then, the smile left his lips. "But Elena, love, that is why I want you to leave. I want you to remember me like this. Like I am right now. Not any differently."

"Stefan, I.."

"Please." He inhaled shakily. "You have stood by me through everything. You were so much more to me than I had ever dared to hope for. And in the little time we had, you made me the happiest I've ever been. And I want you to remember that. The good times. The happy times. Please, do this for me."

"How can I just leave you here to die alone, Stefan?" A sob escaped my throat.

"I won't be alone", he replied. "Please. Before I go, exit the room and close the door behind you. And don't look back."

"Stefan-"

"Promise me." He insisted. "Promise me that you'll go and that you won't look back."

Tears streamed down my face, but eventually, I nodded. "Okay. Okay, I promise."

He looked satisfied, his grip around my hand slightly loosening. Then he nodded. "It's time, Elena."

I needed a second to get myself together before I stood up. I felt myself starting to shake and my breath hitched in my throat, but I managed to smile at him another time before I slowly let go of his hand and turned around. I made a few steps, but the absence of his grip around my fingers suddenly hit me and I stopped dead in my tracks. Before I could think of anything else, I turned to him, covering the short distance between us with two steps and locking his lips with mine. He was surprised at first, then he returned my kiss, wrapping his arms around me. He tasted like tears and medication and his forehead was hot against mine, but it was still him. Still Stefan, still alive, still there. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth and we stopped shortly.

"I love you so much", he whispered.

"Oh, I love you, too", I replied. Then I closed the distance again, putting as much love into our last kiss as I could. It was a kiss filled with promises and comfort. Filled with unspoken I'll always love you's and goodbye's and I'll never forget you's.

I kept my forehead pressed against his for a short while before I let him go completely. With another last glance at him, I turned around for the second time, facing the white hospital walls on the other side of the room. Slowly I approached the door and opened it, every one of my breaths controlled and slow. The monitor was still beeping.

I opened the door, stepping out of the room. Damon sat in the chair I had sat in earlier, looking up when he noticed me. He'd cried, I saw. His eyes were red, his cheeks wet. I smiled at him, closing the door behind me. I squeezed the paper rose again.

"Is he-?"

"You should go to him", I said. His eyes widened, a confused look spreading on his face and he stood, surpassing me. Before he went into Stefan's room, he looked at me.

"Are you alright?"

I hesitated shortly. Then I nodded. "Goodbye, Damon."

The last thing I heard when I walked down the hallway was Damon opening the door of Stefan's room and the steady beeping of the monitor turning into a long, unending sound.

 **~The End~**


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